hummmm

As I siy here and cannot sleep, I think to myself...hummm, what else can I do? I already took a hot bathtub for 40 minutes, drank some valerian tea, did my breathing/meditation... It is almost midnight and I can't fall asleep... Help me Lord, as I would like to get up early and take my kids to see the parade tomorrow...This is one of the things I hate the most about this disease: When you start missing in life and make others go down with you.. My children are awesome kids, and they deserve better... Husband and therapist say don't be hard on yourself, but how can I? I feel powerless when I want to be relentless! I cry when I want to be laughing , I pray because I don't have anything else that I can do.

But sometimes it just sucks!

I will now try to go to bed, maybe blogging and letting it out will help me to sleep.

I also will do my "Ya man, let's count my blessings...: I am blessed I do have a husband that is extraordinary, and in the midst of his own frustration with so called friends , and his own anxiety and anger, takes the time to watch our children, feed the whole family and play game with them. He is the biggest blessing I can count, and most of the others come from having him in my life!"

So, there, my dear love, if you read this you know how I feel, I love you each day more if that is even possible, 10 years together and almost 8 married, I finally find peace in my heart to have found the perfect man to be my husband and father of my children!

Good night, or should I say good morning?