A better day

SO here is what happened Monday, after I left my appointment with my therapist, I decided to do a quick stop at my friend's store .

As I am talking to her , I felt like I was going to faint, totally lightheaded. It was freaking scary!

She told me to sit down and put the fan on my face.

We were just talking how all my panic, anxiety, migraines are all hormonal. She was telling me about this saliva test, and how she would help me get it if I wanted it.

I had to run, I could not stay one more minute, so I called Eric and met him at Lowes to pick up Ruby, he could see on my face something was wrong.

That poor man, I put him trough so much...

That was end of the day for him, he had to drive me home and leave his car at the house he was working on. Once again: The guilt!

I feel guilty putting him through all this, feel guilty when i do have a panic attack and puke and my children see that. Always when i gag brushing my teeth my poor children ask me if I am throwing up. I feel guilty Eric has to make dinner, bathe the kids, anything that I consider my share of the "job" of raising the kids. But by God, do I feel blessed this man is in my life! I could not do it without him, don't think another man would do any of that for me! And so happy to have God in my heart, because I know that no matter what, I am not alone on this.

I tell people that Panic attacks area lonely thing, because you can't stop them, no one can do anything for you to feel better, you just have to ride it and people are just spectators to your misery.

Eric once told me, he feels like when you see a car wreck and people are dying, his words were: "you mine as well be one of the dying people, because once you call 911 and you cannot help them or move them , it is a long agony to watch!"

In any way, today I had to drive him to work so he could get his car back, I had a better day, just know feeling a bit panicky but drinking my tea with Valerian, and have the kids in the bath ...

Which reminds me, gotta go, just wanted to let the world know I had a better day. Not good, not excellent, but better. There is hope after all...