Woke up this morning feeling funny, but was hopeful because I was going to see the nurse and discuss my lightheaded situation...
I wondered myself if I would get any answers...After waiting for an extend period of time, I walk into her office, and pretty much all she had to say was that I was a basket case, and the dizziness was probably from my panic! She tells me I am depressed and when I am ready to take some pills she will be ready to prescribe them.
She mention Klonopin, does anyone out there takes it? Another antidepressant, but part of my panic is related to taking medication, I am terrified! What about side effects, guess what ? First one is: "if you have suicidal thoughts inform your doctor"...Do I want to take those pills?
So I came home and had a terrible cause of crying my eyes out, feeling depressed(which I wasn't before!), called Eric and put him into stress... I feel like I am pushing him away from me with all my problems... I miss the time we met, when I was a happy , exciting girl, not a boring full of medical psychological crap going on.
How do I get back there? Yes, I would love to fit in my size 8 again, but now that doesn't even matter! I just want to be healthy and sane!
I feel the worst guilt ever! Cannot repeat that enough, I feel like I am pushing my husband away, sometimes I think he might just tell me he is done... He never says things like that, but my brain has a very active creativity in thinking how things could get worst instead of better.
Yeah, yeah...Think positive! Guess what? It is not working, I wish God touched my head and remove all these fears, bodily problems and made me good again. I've been trying to "Let go and let God", but it is so hard to just trust....
Feeling my chest pains again as I weep and write this blog.
I need to gather myself together and go pick up Amber and a friend at the bus stop.
If you are out there, my friends, a stranger and God, please pray for me, as I pray for all the people going through something like this out there.
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