Why I started this blog

I am a 42 year old mom, proud of my two beautiful daughters and my absolutely fantastic husband of almost 8 years.

I've been always a very active, happy go lucky kind of person. But things changed a few years ago after the birth of my first daughter...

I had to have a C-section because I was starting to have mild pre-eclampsia, which didn't really bothered me because I already had a scar form a small benign tumor removed from my ovaries/uterus when I was 25 years old.

So I had Amber 2 1/2 weeks earlier than my due date. Happy awesome moment to hold that creature in your arms! The masterpiece! The result of the love I've been searching for all my life, and I mean it! Took me three failed marriages/relationships to finally meet the man of my life, the one I am proud to be the father of my children!

At the time we used to live a block from the hospital, so after I gave birth I was feeling top shape and in agreement with the doctor decided to go home after the second day. A few hours later, I went to the bathroom and asked Eric to hold Amber for me. When I tried to get up from the toilet I fell on the ground shivering , could not stand up on my own. I was burning a 104 fever! Rushed back to the hospital and got kicked out of the birthing center!! Go figure, so got sent to the ER and was there for the whole night , X-rays, MRI, Catscan, you name it, they did it! And nothing found! Mind me telling you that I thought I was dying, and so did Eric, holding poor Amber that was barely welcomed to the world, wouldn't take a bottle, a syringe, , so every time they brought me back from a test, Eric would put her to my breast so she could feed. I kept having anxiety attacks(that's how it started!) trying to fall asleep and couldn't grasp my breath! So they gave me something for that, then I got nauseated, then they gave me something for that , and that gave me more anxiety!

Phew! Some smart ass after all that decided to run a blood test and realize I had an infection, who knows where, but they gave me higher doses of antibiotics and sent me to the room. Apparently this is common, that';s why they give you the antibiotics before you go in, wish someone had that test done first thing when I came back, it was torture for all of us!

When I opened my eyes at 5AM next morning, this angel nurse tells me: "You have an infection, but don't worry, everything will be all right!"

I stayed 5 days at the hospital, with my wonderful husband sleeping on the floor of the hospital because the chair they got him was awful! With Amber by the end of my bed...

They gave me valium because I was having these breathing anxiety attacks, every time I tried to fall asleep I would grasp for air, like I was suffocating.

Went home, things got better, then went to a psychiatrist because I thought I was getting post partum depression, that idiot told me that I was smiling too much so obviously I didn't have it!

For those who know me, I can be dying and I will still make jokes. Again, he was an idiot.

I think if I had been treated back then, things could be better now.

Then came Ruby, all good in the birthing department, C-section again, all good.

Well, 3 days at home and I was having dinner and felt like I couldn't breath , I tought I was dying again! My first real bad panic attack since Amber was born 3 1/2 years before.

I had my mom and sister and Eric with me, and nothing made me feel better! Next morning went to see my OBGY, he told me I needed a break, go outside. I asked if I could drive, he didn't recommended, but I still did, went to Walmart with my mom and sis, felt much better.

I thought it was over! This is good...

NOT! I can't recall when exactly I start feeling them again, but I had my prescription for Xanax, but still didn't wanted to take it. Don't know why! Still don't know why! Even though I do take them when I really need it, I still fight it.

So, I know I extended this too long, but the reason why I am writing this blog is to try to help my piece of mind and to truly help other people out there that are suffering from the same thing, and a little bit on the selfish side, maybe someone out there will have an answer to this, and a cure?

Feel free to comment your honest questions and opinions, as I will do the same!

Lots of Aloha

Dani